


Having a Cat and Being Gay at the Mall

by Bleck



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: M/M, Mostly Fluff, Pre-Canon, autistic tobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 02:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11681808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bleck/pseuds/Bleck
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like.





	Having a Cat and Being Gay at the Mall

"Prrp." Dude said as he hopped down from Tobias' desk and trotted over to greet him when he came in. Tobias set his bag down near the door.

"Hey, buddy. Have a good day?" Tobias asked, crouching down and letting Dude bunt his hand. He picked him up and carried him to his bed so they could relax. Dude's day had almost certainly been better than his but Dude was a cat, they'd relax every chance they got.

Tobias set Dude on his bed and curled up around the cat. He had just given Dude a bath yesterday so his fur was nice and silky instead of being all clumped up like it was after he had been outside for all of three seconds. Tobias ran his hand down from Dude's ears all the way to his tail and back again. 

Dude loved it so much he couldn't sit still which made Tobias giggle. "Pacing is fun but I can't pet you if you're doing it you goofball."

Tobias scratched Dude in his favorite spot, just behind his left ear, and Dude looked as happy as a cat could be. His eyes were closed and Tobias could swear he was smiling as he raised his head to enjoy it better. Cat smiles were cute. "Rrrgh, you like that, huh?" Tobias scratched faster. Spending time with Dude was one of the best things in the world.

All of a sudden, Dude jumped off the bed and ran to his food bowl. "Mrrow."

"That's baloney and you know it. You've got plenty of food there. Do you have any water?" Tobias couldn't tell from the bed. He got up and walked over to check. "Nope. I'll go get you some then. Hang on a sec. And eat your food, you're pickier than me."

Tobias was glad he could just go downstairs like a normal kid could. He knew most people weren't afraid of their living rooms but most people didn't have to live with his uncle. His uncle didn't get home until at least four o'clock so he had 45 minutes, maybe even an hour if he was lucky, to himself. About three hours until he had to go through supper. The thought made him frown since his uncle was going to be making chili. It wouldn't be a problem if, for one thing, his uncle wasn't so mean all the time and, for another, if it didn't have beans. But his uncle liked it with beans so he made it with beans. And so Tobias would have to sit with his uncle and force himself to eat something he hated. Hated, hated, hated.The taste wasn't evil but the texture was. It made his skin crawl and sometimes he even cried if the rest of the day had been really bad. They were wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Thinking about supper just made him upset. 

Thinking about it made his arm itch. No, that was the wrong word. But it was like an itch. Sometimes, when he felt bad, Tobias couldn't help but scratch his arm. It was like he needed to scratch a really, really, bad itch. But without his arm actually itching. He wasn't sure why but it helped. It was probably a bad thing. But at least he usually didn't bleed and if anyone asked he could just blame it on Dude. Not that anyone ever did but still. People didn't need another reason to think he was a freak.

After his arm was sufficiently scratched up, Tobias was able to fill up Dude's water bottle from the kitchen sink and go back to his room without anymore bad thoughts. He figured that if he hadn't scratched he probably would've had more. Especially because it was hard to ignore the not-itchy-feeling-that-was-close-to-itchy.

"Sorry, I got distracted." Tobias said and filled up Dude's water. He made sure the cap on the water was on tight and set it on his desk. "What do I want to do, Dude?" Dude was busy lapping up his water to respond in any way.

"This isn't what I want." Tobias said to himself, laying on his back on his bed. He sat up and crossed his legs. "Nope, not good enough." If he was desperate he'd lay down on his stomach on his bed so his head was at the foot of his bed but he wasn't desperate enough to do that yet. He tried hanging off the side of his bed. "Decent." 

Tobias patted his cheeks and made whatever random noise popped into his head. It was his go to bored activity and he was very bored.

So bored.

So, so, bored.

"Am I bored enough to hang around Jake like a weirdo? Am I that bored, Dude?" He asked, rolling right side up so the blood wasn't rushing to his head anymore.

Dude just licked his leg.

"You're no help at all today, you know that?"

Tobias got an ear twitch in response.

Jake was, according to conversation Tobias overheard earlier, going to hang out at the mall with his family after school. From what Tobias knew, he usually spent at least three hours there with Marco but he wasn't sure how long he was going to be there with his family.

"I guess going there and hopefully being able to lurk around Jake like an idiot is better than waiting for him to get home and beat me for being beaten up at school." He said to Dude. 

This time, Dude came up and rubbed his head against Tobias' cheek.

"Thanks, Dude. You're the best." Tobias kissed his forehead and scratched behind his ear before getting up. All he needed to get ready, all he had, was his shoes. It's not like he had a wallet or anything, even if he did it wouldn't have any money in it. He couldn't even afford to take the bus unless his uncle gave him the money to go do laundry. 

The walk to the mall was long but at least he had a walkman so he could listen to music. He'd found it and a Pansy Division album called Undressed at the library and bought it for just a few quarters. Tobias had to tell his uncle that he got the money stolen which earned him a kick but, really, it had been worth it for how good having the music was. At first, Tobias had been shocked at the music. They were gay and it's not just that they didn't care about hiding it, they were in your face about it. They liked boys and having sex with boys and wanted everyone to know. 

The sex parts in the songs made him blush, even just some of the titles did. Like number eight on the cd which made him blush a lot. It wasn't gross though and there were two songs that were pretty romantic. It made him feel good, that he could have such a gigantic crush on Jake and even though he couldn't tell anybody there were other people out there who were ok with it. They used words like homo and queer as a good thing, used those words he had only ever heard as insults to describe themselves, and it was amazing! One of the best things about listening to music as he walked was that he could snap and people wouldn't look at him funny. That felt good to.

He had to turn his walkman off when he actually got to the mall, and stop snapping, but he was feeling really good and singing his favorite song- Fem in a Black Leather Jacket- in his head. If Jake asked, in private, he'd tell him he thought he might look alright in a leather jacket and skirt. Though it's not like he had the money for either of those or that Jake would ever ask him or want to see him in that. Tobias didn't think Jake liked guys either but it's not like he was actually going to ask him.

Tobias walked aimlessly around the mall. He didn't have any money for the arcade and he definitely didn't want to just go up to Jake and ask to hang out while he was with his family. He wasn't that creepy. So when he saw Jake with his older brother and his parents, he intended to just walk past. Maybe wave and say hey but that was it.

"Mom, i'm gonna go hang with Tobias. See you later." Jake said to his mom in a rush before running over too fast for his mom to say anything.

"Do you mind if we hang out?" Jake asked. Moving like he was, and being so much bigger than Tobias, Tobias had to resist the urge to flinch. But he knew Jake was never going to hit him, Jake was too nice to do something like that.

"No. We can do that. I don't mind." 

"Cool. Are you sure though, I don't want to bother you or anything."

'As if you could ever bother me.' He thought.

"That's good to know." Jake said.

Tobias was entirely sure his face had never been so red before in his life. He so did not mean to say that out loud. "Yup." He said, voice cracking too noticeably to be ignored. Jake was nice enough that he didn't say anything.

"So, what were you listening to? I saw you come in with earbuds."

"Just...music. I'm not sure you'd like them." Tobias said.

"You know what music I like?" Jake teased.

"No." Yes.

"Sorry, was too much? Marco and I tease each other a lot. I don't have to do that if it makes you uncomfortable." Jake said.

Tobias didn't know what to say. On one hand, he couldn't deal with a lot of teasing. On the other, he didn't want to seem more pathetic than he must have already looked. "So, um, why'd you wanna hang out? Not that I mind, just, you seemed eager to get away."

"Yea. It's just, they can get crabby. With each other, me, Tom, that kinda thing. You know how it is."

"Not really." Tobias said before he could stop himself.

"Really?" Jake asked.

Tobias shrugged. "I mean, I get them arguing or whatever. My aunt and uncle used to do that when they lived together. They still do a lot of it over the phone."

"You live with your uncle, right?" Jake asked.

"Yea, sometimes. I go back and forth." 

Jake looked utterly baffled.

"It's not a big deal, really." Tobias lied. It was a big deal and he wished he didn't have to deal with it. But he didn't want to be pitied for it. It was proof of just how pathetic his life was.

"Well do you want to go to the arcade?" Jake asked.

"That sounds good." Tobias said.

Jake led the way which Tobias was grateful for because he didn't actually go to the mall often enough to really know his way around. Although it was bad to because he had to try really hard not to take the opportunity to stare at him. He had to try very, very, hard.

"Do you want to play a two player game or see who's better at a one player?" Jake asked.

"I can just watch you play." Tobias shrugged.

"You won't be saying that after you see how bad I am but ok." 

"You're not awful at this Jake." Tobias said after a few minutes of watching Jake play. Admittedly, Tobias was probably better but Jake had only died twice so far against the troll. And he was tricky to beat.

"Then you should try." Jake said after he had died a third time against the troll. Before Tobias could say he didn't have any money, Jake had put a quarter into the game and stepped away. He actually took Tobias spot and to get there he slipped past Tobias. Jake wasn't exactly built for slipping past people though so what he ended up doing was pressing himself between the other machine and Tobias and physically moving the smaller boy into his spot.

Tobias was flustered to say the least. It was a lot of nice touching, even if it hadn't mean anything on Jake's part. But even though he was distracted, he thought he did alright. He didn't even make it to the troll before dying but he wasn't going to blame himself. There were extenuating Jake related issues to blame.

"You ok, Tobias?" Jake asked.

"Uh huh." 

"You seem a bit stiff." 

Tobias almost shrieked. Talk about mortifying. He fought the urge to look down. That's not what Jake had meant, he just had his mind in the gutter. "No, uh, i'm ok. Just haven't played in a while."

Jake nodded and put another quarter in. 

Tobias did slightly better. He got to the troll at least. But he died before he could get his health bar down by even a third. Jake was right there next to him, almost touching he was so close, and Tobias kept sneaking glances. Jake was probably told he was handsome all the time but it was true, Jake was very handsome. He had pretty eyes. And a nice jaw. 

And he lost for a third time.

"Not doing so hot today." Jake said.

'No, but you are.' Tobias kept that firmly in his thoughts this time.

"No, I guess not." Jake moved and for a brief second, Tobias thought he was going to take his hands in his and 'show him how it's done' or something cheesy like that. But no, Jake was just moving on to a two player shooting game. 

"Wanna try this?" He asked.

"Yea, sure." 

"So how's Dude doing?" Jake asked as he put all four quarters in needed for them to play.

"He's good. He told me I should come...which is probably the lamest thing that's ever come out of anyone's mouth." 

Jake laughed. "Are you telling me he can talk? Are you secretly Sailor Moon, Tobias?"

Tobias laughed. "I was thinking about that before I came here. How cool it would be if Dude could talk. The hand thing seems hard though. But no, I was just wondering if I should walk here or not and Dude-"

"Wait, what? You walked here?" Jake interrupted.

"Yea."

"Why didn't you take a bus? It's, like, what a half an hour walk to your house?"

It was 45 minutes actually but Tobias wasn't going to say that.

"We can drop you off if you want. I don't think they'll mind."

"It's totally in the opposite direction though." Tobias protested.

"Yea, but it's going to be dark by the time we leave. And they're not going to want you to walk home alone in the dark. We should go find them." 

"I don't want to be a burden."

"You're my friend, Tobias. Come on. Are you hungry?" Jake asked after he was killed and they lost the round.

"Why?"

"Because Tom and I were supposed to meet our parents at the food court in half an hour but I decided to hang out with you and it's been about half an hour."

"No, that's ok." Tobias said.

"My parents would pay, don't worry about it." 

Which was the problem. The biggest one actually. But Tobias was also wary around most adults. That was a problem to.

Tobias shook his head. "No, that's ok."

Jake frowned. "If you're sure."

"Yea, I am. It's ok, honest."

"Alright. Do me a favor though?"

"Yea, sure."

"Stay here for, like, ten minutes. Just stay there." Jake said. 

"Uh, ok." Tobias blinked. 

"Cool. Just, stay there." Jake power walked away.

Tobias bided his time in the arcade, confused but interested in whatever Jake was planning. He spent most of it searching the machines for quarters. He actually found some and beat the troll without Jake being a distraction. A very nice distraction but still, a distraction.

"I'm back, Tobias."

"You ate fast." 

"I didn't. We're eating together, let's go." 

"Jake, I can't accept that."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Because you can't pay for your own food?"

Tobias shrugged.

"What about just owning me one then? People do that all the time."

His uncle was going to yell at him anyway for not liking the chili, he might as well eat something good. And he got to spend more time with Jake this way. He could deal with the yelling. "Alright. But just this once." 

"Cool." Jake said and once again led Tobias through the mall and towards the food court. "Where do you want to eat?"

"McDonalds is fine. But you're paying so it's really up to you." Tobias said, trying not to lose focus as he stepped on each tile so he'd avoid the lines. He couldn't just step on them even if Jake thought he was weird to.

"That's stupid, Tobias. What you want matters." Jake said, earnestly.

Tobias refused to even think about what he wanted so he wouldn't have the chance to actually say it out loud. "Thanks, Jake."

"It's no problem. I would've roped Marco into food to. And he'd probably be almost as stubborn."

"Oh." Marco could be a huge jerk but he was Jake's best friend so he definitely wasn't going to say that.

"Sorry, I know he can be a pain. I'll try talking to him again."

"It's ok, Jake." Tobias lied.

"No it isn't. And you don't need to say it's not just because he's my friend. You're my friend to, Tobias." 

"Oh," Tobias didn't know what to say to that. He'd never had a human friend his age before. Which, he knew, was the lamest thing ever. Technically, Jake wasn't even the same age. He had turned thirteen recently. But that's not really what people meant. At least Tobias didn't think they did. "Do you know what you want?"

"You already do? That was fast." 

"Sorry. I usually get the same thing." He always got the same thing. It was McDonald's so he had to get a six piece of chicken nuggets. Six was a bad number but four weren't enough and they didn't come in five. Five was a much better number. It was stressful when they didn't have it because then he had to find something else even though he couldn't get anything else and people stared at him and his uncle got upset and more people stared and it was awful. 

"That's cool. I think I'm going to get a chicken sandwich. Do you want a mcflurry? I think I'm going to get one." 

That wasn't part of his routine. So it was bad. But going to the mall and playing video games with Jake wasn't part of his routine and eating dinner with him wasn't either. And those were really nice. His arm was getting itchy.

"That sounds good, Jake. Thank you." Tobias said, trying not to grimace. He couldn't scratch his arm in public. His uncle always yelled at him to quit it, it was weird. His uncle swore a lot and called him names. He rubbed his arm instead and that helped a tiny bit.

"You can pick a table and i'll order, ok?" Jake asked.

"Yea." Tobias said, stiffly. He left before Jake could ask him if he was ok. He could lie fine but he didn't like lying to Jake. It was bad enough he hadn't told him that he had a huge, ginormous, crush on him since had had seen him in the cafeteria his first day at school. It only got worse, a lot worse if that was possible, after Jake saved him from bullies. 

There weren't a lot of people in the corner which Tobias was grateful for. The urge to scratch was getting bad. Just doing it a little would help. But he couldn't. Jake would think he was a huge weirdo. But  every second that passed, the urge got worse and worse. His uncle was going to yell at him, he was making Jake's parents pay for his food, maybe taking him to his uncle's, and Jake was going to think he was weird and not want to talk to him anymore and that would be the absolute worst.

Tobias squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out how itchy but not itchy his arm was. It hurt.

"Are you ok, Tobias?" Jake asked, putting the tray of food down and sitting right next to him. So close their arms were touching.

Tobias shook his head. 

"Is there anything I can do?" Jake asked, sounding worried.

Tobias squeezed his eyes tighter and shook his head again. If Jake didn't think he was a weirdo before, he sure as heck did now. He wanted to cry. Everything was going to be ruined because he couldn't be normal for once.

He opened his eyes and scratched, he couldn't help it. He raked his nails up and down his forearm until it was awash with angry pink scratch marks. Tobias didn't stop until he was crying tears of relief. He wiped them away as fast as he could.

Jake was staring at him, wide eyed with shock.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'll go now. Sorry." Tobias muttered and racing to stand up and run away.

But Jake stood up with him. "Please sit down, Tobias. You don't have to apologize. It's ok. Do you know what just happened?"

Tobias stared at his lap and shook his head again.

"I think that's called a melt down. It's something I read in one of my mom's books. Have you been stressed lately?" Jake asked.

Tobias tried to say yes, to speak at all, but he couldn't open his mouth even though he tried. He nodded instead.

"You don't have to talk if you're not ok with it. That's a thing that happens to. So, like, when some people get stressed and they can't deal with it, it builds. Every small thing just builds and builds until finally too much stress piles up. And people do stuff like that. It's...I don't know if that's ok exactly because I think that might count as hurting yourself. But other people do that." Jake explained. "We can just sit until you're feeling better, ok?"

Tobias nodded. They sat there for a few minutes in silence, neither of them touching their food.

"You're not weird or anything, you know." Jake said.

Tobias looked at him. Of course he was weird.

"Ok, well, maybe a little. But it's a good kind of weird. Getting advice from your cat is cute." Jake blushed a little. "And you know a lot about Star Trek and dinosaurs and cats and that's always cool to hear. I don't think i've told you that before. But I like hearing about all that. It's cool."

"Really?" Tobias asked, hoarse.

Jake grinned. "Yea, really. It's nice to see you all fired up like that. You're a pretty quiet dude most of the time. Which is fine. It's just...nice. To see you get worked up like that."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Do you think you're feeling good enough to eat?"

"...Yea. I think so."

"Cool. Sorry about the one mcflurry. They ran out of stuff so they only had enough for one." Jake said.

Tobias hadn't noticed. "You can have it, you paid for it."

"Since I did, I can give it to you if I want. And I want you to have it."

"It's ok, really." Tobias said.

"Hey, you know how I said you would just owe me for the food?"

"Yea." Tobias said, confused.

"I'm making you split it with me. That's how you can pay me back." Jake said.

Tobias frowned. "That's not how it works."

"It is if we say it is." Jake said, looking sort of serious.

Tobias giggled. "If you insist."

"I do." 

"Alright."

"Could I tell you something, Tobias?" Jake asked, very seriously.

"Of course." Tobias said.

"You can't tell anyone."

"The only people I really talk to are you and Dude." 

Jake smiled. "I guess you can tell Dude. But, uh, what I wanted to say was...I think I like you. Like, like like you I mean."

"Are you serious?" Tobias asked, elated but also suspicious. Someone had tried that before on him but they had been bulling him and he knew they were lying. "This isn't a prank, right?"

"What? No, of course not. I'm being serious, Tobias. It's ok if you don't feel that way or anything and don't want to hang out anymore. I just wanted to tell you." 

"I feel that way to, Jake." 

"Yea, I figured. That's- wait, what? You do?"

"You have no idea." Tobias smiled.

"I'd like to though." Jake said with a wide smile.

"Wicked."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated. For more autistic Tobias stuff, check out my blog miraculoussparrow.tumblr.com


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